The Question

I really despise "the question." It comes up too often and people give it too much worth. One form or another has been asked since I was a child. You've been asked this question and we have all likely asked it ourselves.

"What do you do?" and when I was younger, "what do you want to be?"

I get it, I do. I know it is an ice breaking question and we ask this question to help us understand people. It is just that I don't think it will help anyone understand me. I think there are much better questions to ask someone to get to know them, but we are afraid that those questions are too personal, serious, or deep for simple conversation.

Maybe this just bothers me so much because of where I am in my life now. In order understand that though, I am going to back up a bit...

When I was kid, I answered the question with a variety of answers. Some days I wanted to be a singer like Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston. I'd find the highest surface I could climb up to safely as a kid, grab a comb, convert my turtleneck into a tube top type contraption and belt out "and I willllllllll alwaaaaaaays love youuuuu!" My grandparents were always a very supportive audience, but I never did make it to any larger venues.

Later on I became obsessed with bottlenose dolphins, clownfish, and killer whales. I had a tie-died whale t-shirt(that I still wear and I look hot no matter what you say), stacks of scientific ocean books, an obnoxious holographic framed picture of a whale, and watched The Little Mermaid too many times. We visited Marineland in Florida (A low budget version of SeaWorld with peeling paint and a lot less people) and I was the chosen volunteer for the dolphin show. I fed the dolphin slimy fish and tossed a football back and forth with it. I was in love.  So, I decided I would be a marine biologist. This was great for awhile, I thought I had found my calling. I imagined myself moving to the West Coast for college and completing groundbreaking studies on sea life. I'd be famous and my name would be in all the scientific journals.
Then my parents told me something I should have realized sooner. Marine biologists have to spend a lot of time in the water. I hate water. I don't even like showers much. I cannot stand having my face wet or my head being immersed in water. I begged my mom to allow me to schedule an elective surgery during the swim unit of gym class to no avail. I refused to go under water for class. I got a "C" in gym class that quarter (that is like an "F" in my world). So, needless to say, the marine biologist career path was cut short for me.

I spent most of my adolescence and young adulthood skipping from one aspiration to another. I would convince myself that I would be the best interior designer ever and once my major was declared and I started taking courses I realized I hated drawing. The pattern continued to repeat itself. I find myself being really interested in new things for a short period of time and then losing interest. I got more satisfaction with shocking my family and friends with my new plans than actually making any progress towards a career. I am not a slacker and I am actually quite smart. I was on the Dean's list most of my semesters at Madison. I just don't have direction. My fiance and most of my friends were the sort of people that knew since they were a kid what they wanted to do for a career.  I, on the other hand, fumbled through college. I ended up with a Bachelor of Arts in International Studies with a certificate in Environmental Studies. That sort of degree would probably lend itself towards a job in Washington D.C. or with a multinational corporation but I never wanted to live in a city for the rest of my life.  So, now it just sounds impressive on paper without being of much use.

After college, I did seasonal stints at National Parks. When people asked me "the question" I was happy to answer "Oh, I am actually a Park Ranger." It was a great conversation starter. I was the envy of most middle-aged men. I felt like my profession at least matched a portion of my personality and values. I loved that I helped people appreciate nature and I felt like I made a difference in the world. I hoped that when I answered "the question" people envisioned me in the green and grey standing tall on top of a mountain, chest high. It just wasn't a sustainable career for me. I missed home and civilization and the consistency of a normal life. When I ended up in Iowa I had all those other things, but no career.



Now I have to figure out a new answer to "the question." The problem is I don't have an answer. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. My fiance and I have decided that having me home is the best place for me right now. Everyone is happier. The house is clean, the dog isn't running around chasing his tail because he has too much energy, a complete meal is served most nights without stress, I have a Y2K stash of strawberry jam in the freezer and I greet my fiance with a smile and hug every day after work. I have a good thing going.

It is funny though that as soon as you are happy others want to find a way to bring you down. They ask me what I plan to do with my life, hint to my fiance that I may be a gold-digger, and want a run down of what I do all day. I don't fit into their box. Or maybe it is just that they are jealous. I realize I am extremely lucky to have such a supportive fiance and family. I know that everyone does not have this choice available to them.

So until further notice, if you ask me "the question" I am going to tell you that I am a stay at home dog mom. I am still bouncing around ideas for my future. Maybe I'll be a naturopath or a website designer or a pilot or a policewoman. Heck, maybe I'll try out for the next season of The Voice. You just never know where life is going to take you next and I am okay with that, I just hope everyone around me is too.